Sky to the moon
Fade in - Outer Space - But in Crayon
A rocket ship is sailing over a sea of sparkling stars and colorful planets.
Sky - Vo
Vrrrrrrrghhwooooooooooooosh
bright flashes cut through the void.
Genevieve - Vo
Meteorites!
SKY - VO
I got it!
A ship glides smoothly and effortlessly through the gaps between the meteorites. Genevieve giggles, followed by a gasp.
GENEVIEVE - VO
There it is...
GENEVIEVE & Sky Vo
THE MUSHROOM PLANET
SKY - VO
Hold on tight Genevieve! I'm bringing her in for a landing.
Sky and Genevieve both make shaky noises simulating turbulence while shaking the book.
SKY - VO
Its gonna be a bumpy rideehuhuheh!
Both laugh - we pull out to see a young
boy and girl (Sky and Genvieve) on the shingled roof of a house
overlooking the small town of Wanacreville.
Both of them laughing as we pull out revealing the book and the moon which overwhelms the screen with bright light.
Sky and Genevieve are laying on a small shingled rooftop overlooking the city of Wanacreville.
Sky is smiling contentedly and turns slowly to look up at the moon
SKY
Where do you think the mushroom planet is at?
Genevieve leans over to Sky and whispers
GENEVIEVE
Maybe it's the moon.
Sky still staring at the moon now even more wide eyed
SKY
Maybe...
And he sits up quickly
SKY
Maybe we can go there!
GENEVIEVE
But how will we get there?
Sky quickly grabs the wonderful flight to mushroom planet book and plops it down and points to the cover
SKY
With that! We can build it
GENEVIEVE
Can I help! I promise I'll work hard.
SKY
Eh...sure why not you can be my Lieutenant. And I'll be the captain.
GENEVIEVE
You promise!
SKY
I promise.
Gen and sky both laugh. Suddenly a harsh woman's voice interrupts.
GENEVIEVE mom
Genevieve? Genevieve!
Genevieve gives Sky a look of disappointment
GENEVIEVE
I guess I gotta go, Cya...And don't forget.
Sky watches Gen as she hurries down.
GENEVIEVE MOM
Genevieve! What were you doing up there young lady? And with that boy!
GENEVIEVE
but hes my friend..
GENEVIEVE MOM
Nevermind him! Go on and wash up before your dad gets
home! We have a lot to talk about - Your dad got a better job, we are
moving to Tuacreville.
Convo between Gen and her Mom is overheard by Sky.
ACT 2 Fade to black
Enter Skys kitchen 8 AM
Sky is walking downstairs, we hear chaos
- a crying baby, food cooking, etc. Sky's mom emerges from the messy
kitchen carrying the baby. A well dressed man rushes down the stairs,
pushing by both Sky and his mom, towards the front door.
SKYS MOM
Come get some breakfast sweetie. You look awfully tired
Skys DAD
Bye honey Bye kids
Sky's eyes follow his dad.
SKY
I'm going to go out for a bit ok mom.
Sky's Mom turns to him, mouth open as if
she were about to protest, when the phone rings. She sighs with
resignation, turns and answers the phone, baby in hand.
Outside - Morning - green field - Sunny Day
We enter as Sky and Genevieve are walking through a tree filled park, deep in conversation.
GENEVIEVE
So how are we gonna build this?
She has her nose down and flips through blueprints as they walk. Sky suddenly stops and Genevieve bumps into his back.
GENEVIEVE
ooof!...hey whats the big idea?
SKY
That!
Sky points up to an enormous tree.
GENEVIEVE
Ok then...lets do it.
Montage - Buildig the ramp
Sky and Gen are collecting wood from an old Barn
Sky and Gen are going around town stealing a ton of Fire Extinguishers a trash can and some small bike tires.
Sky and Gen are hammering and cutting wood Sky is welding some things to the trash can.
Sky and Gen are making a pulley system to pull each other up to the branch of the tree
(all of this is happening from morning to night it ends at night)
Sky is perched high on branch, hammering the final nail.
Sky
FINISHED! LOOK I CAN ALMOST TOUCH IT!
Sky is reaching and grabbing at the full
moon, casting his silhouette on Genevieve. At first she is smiling, but
it fades, she looks close to tears. She calls to him:
GENEVIEVE
GREAT, NOW COME DOWN!!
Sky is exuberant when he reaches the bottom of the ladder, Genevieve approaches slowly with her hands behind her back.
GENEVIEVE
close your eyes.
GENEVIEVE
Just do it!
Sky squints his face and closes his eyes
ok ok, now stick out your hand,
Sky slowly extend his hands not sure of where to point them till he feels something cloth like and almost rigid made
GENEVIEVE
OK.. now open!
Sky slowly opens his eyes to reveal a rather professional looking homemade spacesuit, neatly folded.
Sky takes a moment to examine the suit looking at it closely turning it inside out and twisting it around, Genevieve looks
at Sky with an confused look
GENEVIEVE
So do you like it..?
We see his lips slowly arching upwards as a smile is filling the screen hes in awe.
Fade to black
Genevieve and Sky are sitting by the makeshift rocket ship
She seems hesitant about something,
giving him quick glances and awkwardly trying to find a way to start a
conversation (breaking the news to sky about her leaving)
GENEVIEVE
Sky...
His head slightly tilt towards her direction to take a look at her.
GENEVIEVE
I want to tell you something. It's kind of not good ne...well its actually good news for my family.
My dad just got a new job at Tuareacreville, and my mom says that we have to move there so it will be easier for him.
My dad just got a new job at Tuareacreville, and my mom says that we have to move there so it will be easier for him.
Sky is busy tinkering with his rocket ship. He pays her little mind.
GENEVIEVE
I don't really want to go...we been..
she turns towards him and slightly leans over his shoulder...trying to hide her emotions.
SKY
Can you pass me the 12 Gauge wrench over there.
she grabs the wrench and hands it to him
and quickly decides to change the subject.
GENEVIEVE
Did you hear about the fireworks tomorrow in the town square?
GENEVIEVE
I heard that it was gonna be the best one this year. They have all (insert rambling of stuff)
Sky moves in closer into the rocket ship hull dampening Genevieve's voice.
Genevieve's hands comes closer and taps his shoulders.
Sky quickly pulls back and bumps his head...
SKY
I don't want to go!
Genevieve looks at him. Her eyes begins to well up
but she still smiles..
GENEVIEVE
It will be fun if..
Sky quickly interrupts her
SKY
I don't have time for fun! I have to get this done!
Still she is trying to hold back her tears and stay strong...
GENEVIEVE
I...I, just..
every word takes every ounce of strength
for her to speak...her lips are moving but the words are softly, slowly
coming...breaking as her tears began to fall
GENEVIEVE
wanted...to spend some time with you..
Sky holds his ground trying to focus all his attention to his work...but we can see that it is hurting him as well.
A familiar voice breaks the tension
GENEVIEVE MOM
Genevieve!....Genevieve
GENEVIEVE
I have to go now...I'm sorry If i bothered you.
Genevieve runs off towards the field
exiting the tree shrubs. Sky is tightening a nut and it suddenly
breaks...he drops the wrench. and stares up at the moon.
Light up the night sky - Climax
Fade in
Next day - Sky overslept and it is almost night time again.
The fireworks are blazing the skies,
people are celebrating and cheering, kids are playing and foods are
cooking. A picturesque community. Sky heads out the door and we are
greeted with a loud bang. He has his spacesuit on from the night
before, his helmet on his side. He heads towards the ramp with a look
of determination. Genevieve can be seen with her parents from afar: she
looks happy, sky looks back a slight and pauses for a moment and
continues onward.
He prepares the ramp, winding up the
sling system that he developed and checking all the controls.
Everything seems good and sturdy. he pulls off the covering off the
rocket ship
(maybe insert silly drawing on the panel of the rocket ship that can apply to sky and gen almost like their logo and symbol)
he looks at the empty seat in the
back...pauses and looks up at the moon...It is time. He puts on his
helmet and closes his visor shut...all is silence now the fireworks is
all but a muffled sound of everything that plagues his mind. He straps
himself down...starts the controls grabs a hammer and chucks it at the
lever of the pulley system which then quickly launches the ship up the
ramp. Up up up hes gaining speed and quickly hits one of the buttons
labeled EXE - and the fire extinguishers shoots out a stream of white
co2 which beautifully leaves a trail in the air. Hes gaining more speed
hes more than halfway up the ramp now and not slowing down and soon hes
off! and to his amazement it actually works...his face is filled with
excitement as hes about 150 feet in the air. The moon has never been so
full it's a marvelous sight. His expression is bliss - quickly he
launches the other extinguishers opening up the rear pack of the rocket
revealing 100 or so extinguisers all going off all at once as as soon
as one dies off it falls to the ground. Hes up another 50 feet, so
close. We see his visor filling the screen with the reflection of the
moon (almost like the scene from 2001 space odyssey) His face is full
of wonder and excitement, but all of that slowly comes into danger as
he realises that his momementum is slowing down. He panics, the inside
of the ship is flashing red hes pressing all the buttons trying to
regain control of his trajectory...there is only one extinguiser
left...he hits it giving him just enough boost that he can feel the
presence of the moon...but only enough...he stares at the eject
button...sweating in his helmet, heart race pumping he hits it and the
overhead cockpit doors flies open. The wind is strong and almost
overpowers him...he struggles to climb out but the belt is caught on
something he tears at it tears harder and harder it rips! he quickly
steps on the nose of the ship.
And with all of that is left of him he
leaps! reaching and reaching for the moon...its there right there in
front of his eyes his hands are almost touching it. He closes his eyes
and then his hands, taking in the moment: it feels like an eternity.
Realizing that its not there...hes too far away...too far for his
vehicle this is as far as it will allow him to go...gravity takes
control and he begins to fall plummeting to the ground.
Fade to black
What has become
A car pulls up in front of skys house his mom comes out the car to help sky out.
SKYS MOM
the doctor said you were lucky you came out of that
with just a few bone fractures and a broken arm. He said something
helped break your fall but hes not sure what it was...some sort of
costume...but anyway. Why in the world would you do that anway...build
that contraption to shoot yourself to where.
SKYS MOM
Your smart boy Sky did you really think that you could of shot yourself to the moon with just a few extinguishers and a ramp.
Sky looks at his mom. She pats him on the head.
SKYS MOM
It's ok sweety...at least your ok now. That little girl Genevieve has been by a lot. She was really worried about you.
Sky looks at his mom again
SKY
I'm sorry...
SKYS MOM
Sorry for what.
sky quietly walks into the house.
(fade to black or pan up to window)
Sky is in his room now sitting on his bed
with a cast on his right leg and his left arm. staring at the moon. its
a crecent shape. he opens the roof window
we are out on the roof again
he sits quietly out in the night. he
takes a deep breath its chilly. He has nothing on but a t shirt and
sweat pants. Soon Genevieve comes in through his roof window. Shes
bundled up with a scar, big coat, and her pjs and slippers, shes
holding a nice big mug of something steamy. it has a lid it on. She
quietly sits next to him and stares at the moon.
GENEVIEVE
I knew i would find you here...how are you feeling.
SKY
I almost touched it...almost.
Genevieve smiles at sky.
GENEVIEVE
Hey I made this for you...I made lots so I thought I'd bring you some...
She hands sky the mug of steamy goodness.
His hands graze her gloves. the mug is warm. He holds it by his chest
for a moment taking in the aroma...and opens the lid. Genevieve begins
to giggle
GENEVIEVE
you remmeber how we would come up here and stare at the moon
Her voice slowly begins to muffle as he
brings the cup closer to him. everything is slow and silent she is
talking...he stares into the cup...the reflection of the moon is gently
riding the slight disturbances in the mug of hot chocolate...he smiles
genevieve is still talking she is just happy that hes ok. he closes his
eyes and a tear begins to slowly form. he slowly sets the mug down and
turns towards genevieve and leans over to give her a hug. She is
still...he is still.
SKY
I'm sorry...I don't want you to go.
pull up to the moon as we fade out to the next morning.
Sky has not slept a wink its 6:30 am. He
goes downstairs to see his mom asleep on the sofa with emily also sound
asleep in the cradle next to her...the dishes are not cleaned shes
knocked out from being overworked and exhausted. His dad is not there.
He walks up to his mom and pulls a blanket up to her shoulder tucking
her in. he does the same for the Emily.
and heads towards the kitchen. He finishes doing the dishes.
its 8 am in
the morning he walks outside to see Genevieve and her family packing.
Genevieve is carrying a box full of stuff marked fragile. She stops and
turns to look at Sky.
GENEVIEVE MOM
Genevieve! hurry sweetie we are running late.
END.
OK! first draft done...big hurdle LEAPED we are running now. Gonna send the first draft to some people to read over...just my vers. of a screening then ill edit the 2nd draft and hopefully 2nd draft is final!.
ReplyDeletePLEASE READ IT!. I know it seems long BUT!! its first draft so...bare with it...most of it is action anyway Give me feedback...i need to know if its playing and all the emotional beats are clear and being seen. it's important!!.
So i went in and counted the dialogue it's about 58 dialogue pieces...which is not that much since they are short but its still overwhelming for the two of us...so ill try to cut it in half maybe even more. So you can try to do that too ok just give me feed back!!
AND KEEP DRAWING THOSE INSPIRATIONAL SCENES!! WE NEED TO MOTIVATE EACH OTHER AND PUSH!!!
cool, cool, cool, like it man. I'm hesitant to change much anything though. I really want to see how this looks boarded out and in production. I was thinking about it play out in my head and the dialogue actually seems rather legit.
ReplyDeleteThere are parts that make me kinda squirm that makes me feel like I'm watching a "Dora the Explorer" episode like "I don't want to [go to the party]". Very childish, simple dialogue, but I guess it works if these guys are young and this short is kinda aimed on the surface for young kids with a dream and adults who know what loss is; kinda wizard of oz-ish.
Everything seems clear-ish though. I might want to try boarding some of it without having to use some of the dialogue. About the part with the mom after he falls:
interesting. I was thinking something akin to the newer hertzfeldt shorts where the screen is black and small snippets of memories in the form of little animation vignettes playout, or maybe not even vignettes but one of those moving picture gifs with the VO playing.
Or maybe even go black, play the VO, show the memory, black again, VO (still in black), show memory.
I'll try and find some examples.
Seems like a solid story though! I've never done a story, so I probably wouldn't know a solid story if it punched me in the nose, but what's happening makes sense. Let's go with this.
Also...production schedule? post it up!
Also, I think the moon should probably remain full the entire time. Doesn't make sense for it to have been full, then to be crescent 4hrs later.
Deletehaha thats rather interesting because skylure said the same thing about the "i dont know stuff" and the moon, so thats gonna be changed. um production schedule is up just not digitally its just this huge calender in my room...but ill get it up. Also some of the scenes will be cut like the scene with his mom talking near the end, some stuff from begining dialogue will be shortened or completely removed like where he says im sorry i feel like it will work and be just as strong w/o. I also sent it to someone who is a big pixar fan and lol she gets it but she said she doesn't like it cuz it ends sad...i guess it works somehow but im not sure so ill have to talk to her later tonite? lol I definitely don't want it to be so happy happy. So if you want board/vomit out some of the shots. I was reading it again and it actually goes feels like it can play out faster than how many pages that i have...so hopefully we can shorten it. Try beating some of it out.
ReplyDeleteis this person someone we know?
Deleteum, anyway, the ending could be made a bit more happier. the way it is now is rather dry, but, i dunno, that's life right? did you ever get around to watching Paisan? you seriously should man, seriously.
If you want to make this completely a "traditional" film, which we already kind of are, making it "happy" would be cool. I think though, that would mean completely revamping the story. Which could make it better actually, because a happy ending, I think, inherently infuses the entire story with a more light-hearted tone.
That does mean though, working more on the story, which I'm not sure if we want to do. We could also try and tack it on with something we established earlier, but I'm kinda liking the short realistic ending. Maybe something like Iron Giant where it's like "you can always contact me with this: (hands him a magical telegraph) or w/e. Or even, if you want to get super cheesy (which is kinda the ball park we're playing in) play on the whole adage of the moon "whenever I look at the moon, somewhere...I know you'll be looking at it too" :) awwww...
you know that type of stuff, maybe even end it with a time cut, she's looking outside her new house's window, it's night, her parents are silhouetted in the background unpacking boxes as she looks up to the sky and we then cut to skylar looking up to the moon as well, end it.
Maybe even go on with a more sophisticated telegraph (the phone) and we see him pick it up, cut backt to her looking at the moon, and we hear the phone ring and end it there. Instead of a hard cut we could even mimmic the original electrical-signal-following-the-wire thing with the old telegraph and lead up to her room.
Anyway, I will try to beat some stuff up, but I'm only here for another...week and a half, then I'm off to Miami. I should be able to get a shit load done, especially if you hook me up with a schedule :) I like schedules.
So, do it Mr. Director! Remember, you're basically a babysitter for all us minions :P Keep us on track.
Take care, say hi to sky.
Another option I'm thinking is something
also now lets think of music too some scenes might not need dialogue if we have good moody music to follow. So research some of it. I've been finding that listening to some music as your reading might help emphasize the mood much better.
ReplyDelete